After a time of looking at the pictures of our many beloved local politicians brought before newspaper justice over the past decades, one starts to see certain trends: 1. They look like drunks, and 2. They are as fat as hogs.

Case in point, our dear friend Commissioner Frank White in Princess Anne who, according to The Times On The Ditch, has been gorging on restaurant meals, motel rooms, and personal vacations courtesy of a taxpayer funded credit card.

The Ditch has also kindly informed us that Mr. White is estranged from his wife Melissa, and so may we hope that by the grace of God these two fine people reaffirm themselves within holy matrimony.

From a public good perspective, however, should not a leader of a community be an excellent guide for the health and greatness of the community? And had it not crossed either of these good people’s minds to lose weight for the benefit of their spouse or pick up a book by Dr. Laura on healthy marital relationships?

Now truly, humans eat excessively to fill a void of emptiness inside. Hence the term, "emotional eater"—a state of existence that pushes away reason and frugality… and consequences.

Make no mistake about it, Mr. White’s neck is about to explode if his heart doesn’t collapse first, and you can bet your diabetic rolls of flab the taxpayers will have to foot the bill for Mr. White’s self mutilation.

In the middle of an economic depression or, if you will, a prelude to The Age of Frugality we hope shall soon arise, should it benefit the citizens of Princess Anne to have an obese man estranged from his wife gorging upon food on their tax paying dime? Assuredly not. We need healthy leaders with family values who have the mental acuity to make important budgeting decisions. Most of you will never understand this as 60% of the residents of the Eastern Shore of Maryland are fat and therefore mentally inept.

But look what you imbeciles did in Salisbury! You voted in a homosexual, Jim Ireton, to the mayorship—a creature who inserts his penis in other men’s rectums, recommends the same for children, and had no competency or regular experience in political affairs. Granted, he was not fat or an avid drunk, but being a homosexual is worse than those two together. Unfortunately, the accomplishment of  "change", whatever that might be, may be worse than the previous dire conditions. Mayor Barrie Tilghman may have been a sour old drunk but at least she wasn’t a lesbian.

Then you have the Wicomico State’s Attorney Davis Ruark who can hardly stand up sober and more often than not is passed out face first into a lunch plate of alcoholic vomit.

None of this comes as a surprise since if the people are surly, fat, drunk and ignorant, then the leader who comes to their needs will be one greater than them—greater in surliness, fatness, drunkenness and ignorance that is.

It was a reincarnation of the Dark Ages with its barbarism and ignorance but to a greater degree. Truly, a worse state will never come to this wretched land, I pondered. If God himself were to crack the Earth and drop this whole ghastly misfortune of Salisbury and surroundings into an abyss, then pray, may the people spare Him the trouble and wreck the buildings, salt the land, and settle elsewhere… (outragedrichard.com)

Mr. White, the time has come to confess before the wrath of God comes down upon you. Are you a thief and a glutton? Fair enough, we believe you…